i am 40 years old.
i cannot say no
i am obese
among other things, these are the basis for my issues. it is my goal through this blog to try to determine why i do the things i do that are destructive in my life.
i am getting very concerned about my health, and life. and i feel like my destructive behavior is killing me. i am not stupid. i am a college educated scientist. i KNOW that what i'm doing to my body is wrong. i know it when i do it, i know it the next day. but yet i do it. i have never publicly talked about my weight, and am hoping that through this i can maybe find a way to do just that.
first of all - on being 40. i love being 40. i am 4 years away from empty nest, with an amazing husband, a good job, and a comfortable enough existence to enjoy life. i have many many close friends in my life, a strong faith, amazing children. being 40 ROCKS.
secondly - i cannot say no. not to church. not to work. not to charities. not to family. not to friends. i don't say this to be a martyr. it is seriously out of control. to the point where i use it as an excuse for not taking care of myself. my easy answer is that i don't have TIME to take care of myself, because me "the martyr" is too busy taking care of the world. but i've come to the realization that if i don't take care of myself, i won't be around to help the rest of the world...
thirdly - i am obese. i've never admitted this publicly before. not that people don't know (it's kind of obvious) but that i've never said anything "out loud" before. i've been heavy for almost all of my adult life - except for two years as a young adult, during which i had no one depending on me, and i found during that time that i love being physical, and healthy. but once i married, had children, and began to take care of my aging parents, i fell back into obesity because i put everyone else before me.
it is hard for me to admit my obesity is changing the quality of my life. i have always been active and happy, even in my health condition. but as i age, that is starting to change. and i think i am just sick of denying myself a long life. sick of denying myself anything. i deserve to work out. to be healthy. to be physically active. to wear cute clothes.
it is my hope that through this blog i can explore all of the aspects of obesity. from MY point of view.
thanks for listening.
