gotta love it

I am very excited to be back to LOVING movement. Back in college, when I lost a large amount of weight, it was because I found the me that LOVED movement. I began lifting weights, swimming, walking, playing racquetball, all of those amazing things that involved movement.

I'd lost that person in the last 15 years. Post babies, the only movement I got for the most part, was cleaning house and cooking. Not good.

But as my loyal followers know, I've begun to renew that mover. And today is a great example. I'm building a small retaining wall behind my garden, and I had to move a large amount of block from the truck in the front to the garden in the back, And it felt SO GOOD. I love feeling my muscles working, and not being out of breath.

oh, it's so good. :-)

feeling the changes

Each morning that I walk to work, I watch the morning news and have coffee until I have to leave. But yesterday, as I was sitting on the couch, I thought to myself "why not leave early and walk a longer route to work?" And I did!  I ended up taking a 30 minute walk on the way to work. I love that my mind works differently now. I cherish those walks, taking in the sights, sounds, and smells of this beautiful fall. It was a great way to start the day!

And of course, I feel the changes my body is going through every day. This morning as I walked with my son, I can feel my muscular legs working. I feel it, and it feels WONDERFUL. It's not just about loose clothing. It's about feeling my body working as a well-oiled machine. One that is being USED not left to rust!

life after disclosure

So in my past, every time I've "announced" or told people of my weight loss, I've ended up going backwards, and giving in. I'm trying very hard to keep up my new lifestyle right now. I don't know why I always ambush my efforts after people start to notice, but I am very aware that I do that, and am trying to ward it off.

This weekend I had a couple of bad meals - out with the hubby Friday night - and again Sunday afternoon at a festival. But I did do a lot of walking, which is great. Even made the choice Friday to walk to work after I had justified driving in my mind. THAT is a big win for me.

What I really notice - is that I feel so much worse on "bad" eating days. The bad-for-you foods weigh me down literally. I feel sluggish. No energy. I feel much better when I eat well, drink lots of water, and get exercise. DUH. right? It's what we all know. But yet we continue to fall into bad habits!

So today I'm back on the wagon, so to speak, having my Quaker Oat Squares and coffee this morning, getting ready to walk to work. Looking forward to an active day. A GOOD-FOR-ME day.

shopping...

As an obese person, I have not enjoyed clothes shopping in many, many years. Probably about 20 years. And having only lost 30 pounds, I am not ready for "new clothes" yet. I really need to lose some more before it makes sense to buy anything.

BUT

I have a family wedding in two weeks.

And honestly, I haven't bought myself new clothes in well over a year, so I have nothing to wear. Seriously. It's not that I WANTED to go clothes shopping, but rather out of necessity. Just hoping to get something to wear with my black pants.. that is ALL I needed.

So I headed to town today to find something. Store number 1 - NOTHING. I am still very much plus size, and all of the clothes were  - - idk - - - just frumpy.

Store number two - more promising, and as I started to dig in, I found a cute jacket on clearance, a top on sale, and some other things to try on. Still dressed from a funeral, I had black pants on that I planned on using for the wedding anyway. Put on the top I found, and was REALLY pleasantly surprised at how it looked on me! It gave me a waist, made me look good. What a nice surprise. Totally unexpected.

I ended up going home with the top (would love to find black pants now - as mine are big enough that they look funny), as well as a long sleeve tshirt and that fun jacket (casual - totally for me, not the wedding!)

It's been a long time since I liked something I bought. What a great day. :-)

a shot of confidence!

Yesterday I had lunch with a dear friend (four months overdue!). Someone I used to see on an almost daily basis when I worked. Her original reaction when I walked in was JUST what the doctor ordered. While I am noticing the changes in my clothes - loose fitting, hanging funny, I didn't know if it was outwardly noticeable that I've been losing weight.

When she saw me, she immediately said "you look amazing! have you lost weight?"

It made my morning. I really needed that. Because while the scale is showing that I'm down just over 30 pounds, I still doubt myself. Wondering if it's just in my head. So to have someone objective notice without being prompted, was that little reassurance that it is happening.

This woman has been with me through so many ups and downs. Breakfast and coffee with her was just an amazing refreshment for my soul.

Now my big hurdle is this - every time I start getting healthy - and get to this point (ok, this is further than I usually get) - I start to let it go. So I am testing myself. Can I continue? What am I scared of? Why shouldn't I be healthy?

So there it is.

She and I discussed what is going on - and how it's not some crazy diet - it's just a lifestyle change. With eating all fresh, homemade goods - very little processed. And walking to and from work. It's not only changing MY body - but my hubby's - lowering his bad numbers as well. I cook meals for my boys that they take in lunches - no more processed, high fat lunches. Real, home cooking, with a good mix of protein, veggies, and grains. NO PRESERVATIVES.

Getting back to basics is the key for me. And I was so happy to share it with my friend. She is good for me.

he noticed!

On a drive up north last Friday for the football game, the hubby and I were talking, as we do on all of our road trips. I was annoyed that my rings had already begun to spin (every fall/winter, my fingers shrink and my rings get too big), when he said, "maybe it's because you've lost weight". YEAH! He noticed! AND said something. It's the little victories. :-)

natural changes....

There are so many changes going on with my body right now. One of the biggest is that my stomach has shrunk - to were I can eat a lot less than before. I'm sure my emotional/bored binging had stretched it. I was able to eat huge quantities at meals. Now that I'm eating on a normal schedule, I've found that I tend to eat much smaller quantities. And the beauty is, this is all happening on its own.

I'm not sure what's caused the landfall of change. I get the muscular changes, from the job that is moving and physical. But I'm not sure why I've stopped emotionally eating and bingeing. And while I don't know why that has stopped, (I am THANKFUL), I am thrilled how that has now begun to change my every day eating habits, causing me to need less to be full.

What I love is that all of these changes are happening naturally. I'm not on some crazy restrictive diet eating only one fruit. I'm choosing better food, being more active, and the rest is falling into place.

So far - down 24 pounds - I feel it in my clothes, as they fit better. I notice changes in my back, my arms and legs, and my stomach. I am still waiting though for the hubby to say something. I wonder how long it will take for him to realize. Because normally I announce a "special diet", but with this, I've said nothing, because I'm just being smarter. We will see!